You know the moment. Someone asks where you want to go for dinner, and something in you lights up. The Thai place with the sticky tables and the chili that makes your lips burn. 🌶️ You can practically taste it. And then, before the words are even out, it happens. A little tightening at the base of your throat. A quick scan of their face. Your voice goes light and easy, and out comes, "Oh, I don't mind. Wherever you want." It takes about two seconds. Nobody notices. You barely notice. But your...
3 days ago • 1 min read
There's a moment a lot of women know and almost nobody talks about. Your body and your desire disagree. Sometimes your body is saying yes while the rest of you is quietly backing toward the door. Sometimes it's the reverse. You want him, you've wanted him all day, and your body just doesn't show up. And instantly, court is in session. Which one is telling the truth? What does this say about me? About him? About us? About my age? Most of us were handed a ridiculously simple rulebook for this....
6 days ago • 1 min read
There’s a particular kind of bullshit that happens when you teach people how to do something you’re still learning to do yourself. And apparently, I’m living it this week. 😂 So here’s the thing. I talk a LOT about the importance of sisterhood. About letting ourselves be supported. About the extraordinary things that can happen when women stop believing they have to do everything themselves. I believe every fucking word of it. And then my beautiful friend and podcast co-host Barbara started...
10 days ago • 2 min read
Here's a very particular kind of maddening. You catch yourself mid-pattern. Saying yes when you meant no. Swatting away something lovely someone just said about you. Talking yourself out of a want before it's even finished arriving. And you're not confused about it. You could walk a stranger through the whole thing: where it came from, what it protects, why it stopped serving you years ago. You can see it clearly. You did it anyway. If you're anything like me, your next move is to go get more...
13 days ago • 1 min read
I was in a room full of wildly accomplished women this week, and I noticed something I haven't been able to stop thinking about. Two of them were wrestling with completely different things. One woman is an expert in her field and was struggling with how much of the messy version of herself she's willing to let people see. The stressed-out version. The imperfect version. The version whose kid might be losing their shit in the background. Another is known as strong and put-together. And she was...
16 days ago • 1 min read
The other day, Keith asked if I wanted to eat our tacos outside at the picnic tables. I got out of the car. Felt the cold. Said no. A complete, uncomplicated answer. Then I saw a family sitting outside, apparently having a lovely time, and my mind called an emergency meeting. Am I being difficult?Did I disappoint him?Did he actually want to sit outside? Over fucking tacos. I caught myself halfway through putting my own no on trial. And I thought: well, there’s a familiar little trick. For...
20 days ago • 1 min read
I used to say it like it was a badge of honor. I’m not a girl’s girl. I’m better with men. Less judgment. Less scorekeeping. Less drama. And underneath all of that? Women had hurt me. I had been judged, sized up, talked about, and made to feel unsafe. So I learned to keep women close enough for friendship, but far enough away that they couldn’t see the parts of me I was trying desperately to keep hidden. The hurt was real. But the conclusion I drew from it wasn’t formed in a vacuum. Because a...
27 days ago • 1 min read
Tell me if this sounds familiar, Reader: A clean, inconvenient want rises in you. I want to be touched like you cannot wait another second. I want time that belongs completely to me. I don’t want to do this anymore. And then the sharpest woman in the room gets involved. She pulls out the files. Calls the witnesses. Begins building her case. Is it fair?Is it practical?Shouldn’t I be grateful?What if I regret it?What if this is just perimenopause, boredom, restlessness, or some embarrassing...
about 1 month ago • 1 min read
Hey Reader, There's a version of you who turned the music up in the car for no occasion. Who flirted because it was fun, not strategic. Who felt a whole conversation happen in her body two seconds before her brain arrived to edit it down to something appropriate. You didn't lose access to her. Somewhere along the way you got extremely good at managing your own hunger instead of feeding it. Maybe you've gotten good at faking it too... The laugh that wasn't quite real. The "I'm fine" that...
about 1 month ago • 1 min read
Hey Reader, A client told me she and her partner hadn’t had sex in two months. Before I could ask the next question, the case was already assembled. They had just moved. They were living out of an Airbnb. He had started a new job. His mother was in the hospital. They were house hunting. Every reason was true. Not one was invented. Not one was ridiculous. The case was airtight. And it still wasn’t the whole truth. I listened, then said:“Nothing is more important than this. This is your person....
about 1 month ago • 1 min read